I work from home. I watch my daughter all day, aside from the rare instances when I have an in-person meeting or if she has play-time with one of her friends. She is two years old now and I wanted to comment a bit on the time that we have spent together in public.
We go on “adventures” each day, regardless of my mood or work-load. I take us to lunch and we go walking around some place like a store, the library, the park, etc. I feel like we both need it for our personal development. I can be reclusive sometimes and this helps me feel in touch with the world. I want my daughter to be stimulated by the world, not just what she might see on television or even what I alone can share with her. The hope of my wife and I is that our daughter is well-rounded and can make decisions for herself based on informed opinions of the world.
Sometimes, when we are on an adventure, we are treated as some sort of a novelty. We often get things said to us such as “Out with daddy today? That’s nice…” or “Mommy busy?”. Sometimes when my daughter is being hyper, as most two-year old children are, people give me a look as if I can’t handle it because I am just her father. I could be reading into that, but I don’t think so. My wife has seen it from afar and agrees with me.
There are many work at home mom websites and things geared to the same. Marketing materials from the big baby supply companies are entirely geared towards women. I cannot remember the last time I saw something that came in marketing to both parents or fathers. Not withstanding the fact that women have been subjugated and compartmentalized for many years, I had hoped that when we had our daughter, things would be more balanced. This might be for a number of reasons that go beyond the scope of this article.
When it comes down to it, I probably am feeling a small amount of what women have dealt with for years in the workplace and beyond. I have worked with and for people that thought our female counterparts were just attempts to fill quotas or that the work they did was “cute”. It is just crazy.
Let’s not discount motherhood on any level and in no way do I feel that working at home mothers (and mothers and fathers in general) are nothing but amazing. I do hope that my daughter can look beyond the role-playing that is such a huge part of our lives. She is free to make the decisions that will truly make her happy, whatever they may be.
This is nothing more than a simple nod to other fathers who do the same…
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alas, passé gender role expectations are very much alive and well. today’s family has adapted and evolved in order to meet the needs of an ever-changing world…the inherent social climate has not. this is preposterous in the greatest sense of the word.
as you’ve referenced, a large part of our beliefs are influenced by extensive marketing campaigns. almost every major brand out there appeals exclusively to women or moms. for instance, take pine-sol. “moms choose the power of pine-sol.” um…so does this mean that dads aren’t capable of mopping the floor? alternately, does this mean that it is solely moms responsibility to mop the floor? does mom choose pine-sol because dad lacks the intelligence and/or common sense to recognize an effective cleaning product?? this is only one example. i could go on and on ad nauseam.
perhaps by the time your daughter is grown there will be a complete shift in our collective thinking. although i do hold out hope, change is slow.
another great article my friend. thanks for putting this out there.